


Forgotten Birthday

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Gen, Sad, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Pity, Self-Reflection, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-08
Updated: 2003-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22991638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: It’s Jonas’s first birthday with SG-1…but no one remembered it.
Kudos: 6





	Forgotten Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s notes: It’s my birthday and I write fanfic so try and guess where this idea came from.
> 
> Thanks so much to Dee Dee for beta! *hugs*

# Forgotten Birthday

I didn’t expect anything; really I didn’t. It’s a day like any other. Just because it’s my 25th birthday…no, that’s Kelownian years…21 years in Earth years I think it is. Yes, just because it’s my 21st birthday doesn’t have to mean anything.

I’ve read about Earth birthdays. They seem nice with a lot of colours, presents, food and family there. I’ve never had a birthday like that. I have no family. Well, I guess Callonia was my family since I’m a ward of the state. I grew up in schools for gifted children, being taught how to study to best serve Callonia but little else. Coming to Earth was incredible, all the things…all the freedom they have here. Though not a day goes by where I wish it hadn’t been under such sad circumstances. Besides I soon saw that the legendary freedom of the people of Earth didn’t include all their citizens and certainly not aliens. I’ve rarely been above ground since I got here but have spent my days studying in hopes I will one day be good enough for these people like I tried so hard to be good enough on Callonia. I guess not much has changed after all.

Well, if I was home at least the government would have sent me a card and my fellow scientists would have said happy birthday. Here…nothing. I know…I don’t expect it, I really don’t. But I still wish I could have a birthday party, a real one, some day. I guess that’s not to be.

It was Daniel’s birthday a few weeks back. Having read his profile once I remembered all his vitals, including this. I lit a candle in his honour in his office and thought maybe Sam or Teal’c would want to talk about him a bit on this day of his remembrance. On Callonia it’s custom to do this but then we have many customs, which I guess is lost to me now. In any case then they all seemed distant and I respected that and returned to my office. Remembrance was my tradition and not theirs after all. The Colonel showed up and was angrier with me than he usually is. I never feel at ease around him; I’m always so nervous of doing something wrong. After he had left I looked at the candle I had lit for Daniel and for the zillionth time I asked a silent prayer that where ever he was now he would forgive me for not helping him. I froze up; I was afraid. I had never been in any dangerous situations before and did not know what to do. Logically I know had I helped him I would be dead too but when the guilt is strongest I think it would have been best. It’s not an excuse and I’m not making it one but it’s an explanation. I know they all blame me for Daniel…I know they do and they are entitled to their anger. I just hope that if I work really hard, work all the time, try and be pleasing to them…maybe they’ll one day stop hating me…Just for a little bit.

The clock on my office strokes a quarter to midnight and I look at the bottle of whiskey I’ve been drinking. Earthlings would have been drunk long ago but apparently my alien physiology needs a little more. Well, I still have something left. I empty the bottle and wince at the foul taste but it does help drive away the emptiness I feel inside. On Callonia I never felt like I belonged but here I feel unwanted. At least back home I am wanted…Well, I was, past tense. They’ll just as soon shoot me on sight if I try to go back there now. I want to say that Earth is my own home because I fear it will become my permanent home but my heart’s not in it. Home is where the heart is I’ve read in an Earth book. Well, my heart wishes to find rest here but the longer I stay the clearer I see that I will find no rest here…ever. I will never be accepted, no matter how hard I work. I will be a constant reminder of what they’ve lost; someone they truly cared for; a friend, a team-mate, a brother and a son. He was all those things to the team and the people working here…I’m an inconvenience at best. Teal’c tries his best and I love him for that; all those small and few gestures but that’s just it…They are few and far between for he’s Jaffa and not the most open man about his feelings. If it hadn’t been for him and the little I can get from Sam…Besides them only Dr. Fraiser has seemed to like me. It’s not a pleasant thing to go through day after day with a feeling that you’re unwanted, at times even despised or hated.

No, no…I will do my best. Work as hard as I can…It’s all I have; all I can do. Maybe one day…a long time from now, someone will remember my birthday…Maybe even send me one of those balloons I’ve seen pictures of. They look so beautiful and come in so many colours; like a rainbow.

The clock on my room strokes twelve and the end of my birthday…the end of any other day save I am beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol. I’ll regret this in the morning when the Colonel is yelling at me, again I might add, for whatever I did wrong this time.

Yeah…yeah…. Happy birthday, Jonas.

My voice echoes in the empty room and seems to mock me with its reflections, like a ghostly voice tormenting me for my past sins.

Happy birthday…

The voice dies out, leaving a screaming nothingness behind.

The End


End file.
